We're like a lot better than the average bears
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
