All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
