I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
