Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
