i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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