The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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