Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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