Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
