Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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