see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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