apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
