I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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