Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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