I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize