Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
