She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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