so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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