he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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