I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize