Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
