This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize