now i know why i became what i already was.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize