What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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