the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize