So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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