What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize