Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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