I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
