just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize