I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
