don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
