I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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