Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
