I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
