I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
