My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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