Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
