The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
