Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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