Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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