Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
