my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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