Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This girl is more easily done than said...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
