Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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