ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
