You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
