; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
did i just pee glitter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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