My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
