"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize