If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
love makes seman taste better
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
