Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
