By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
