If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
