I need to stop coming to work sober
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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