why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
