I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
