You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
