if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
