I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
