everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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