I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
3pm strippers are depressing
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
