It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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