If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
