so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
