Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize