Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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