Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
