I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
