I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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