i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So much rum. So many feels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
